


Mistle-Foe

by Mars_and_Moon



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Dave Katz is a Human Disaster, Drunken Shenanigans, Emergency Rooms, Gen, M/M, POV Klaus Hargreeves, Pre-Relationship, TUA Secret Santa 2020, Weddings, opposite of a meet cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28282380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mars_and_Moon/pseuds/Mars_and_Moon
Summary: Klaus Hargreeves was planning to spend Christmas Eve at his sister Vanya's wedding. This was a solid plan, and would be one of the better celebrations he's attended. His new sister-in-law, Sissy, was a wonderful woman.The universe obviously says no to this mostly peaceful plan, and sends a drunk Dave Katz his way.
Relationships: Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz, background: Sissy Cooper/Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 12
Kudos: 67





	Mistle-Foe

**Author's Note:**

> non explicitly mentioned but still implied things;  
> × Klaus Hargreeves and His Questionable Past  
> × Jewish Dave Katz  
> × Dave Katz and His Heart Eyes  
> 

The drive to the emergency room is about half an hour. Klaus held the steering wheel and pointedly didn't look at the passenger seat. This was not his fault, this was so not his fault. 

Klaus had been making his way to get another cola when he felt somebody grab him. It is common knowledge amongst the family, even now with everything that's happened, that Klaus fully hates being grabbed without warning. It makes him jittery and he reacts without thinking. 

Which is why the man in the passenger seat probably had a broken nose, because Klaus knows how to throw a damn good punch. So now, instead of standing by himself at a wedding reception he's driving to the emergency room with a stranger. His name was Dave Katz and he and Sissy had grown up together and gone to school together and apparently Dave had been the one to introduce Vanya and Sissy in the first place. 

Right now he was getting on Klaus' last nerves by fiddling with the car radio. Klaus had the urge to slap Dave's hand away but the car was technically his, so Klaus just glared at the street and held the steering wheel. 

"Why is there just Christmas music?" Dave whined. His other hand was holding one of the fancy cloth napkins that had been used during dinner to his nose to stop the bleeding. 

Klaus held the steering wheel tighter and prayed to whatever deity there may be that all of this ends quickly. He wants to go back to the reception; watch Vanya be happy, maybe have some more cake. Home would also work. Actually the more he thinks about it, the more home sounds better. His bed, some Netflix, maybe he'd even pull out some yarn, maybe he'd do a face mask. He's totally going home after this. 

"Hey," Dave said suddenly. "Can you punch me in the face again so I don't have to listen to another washed up celebrity sing Jingle Bells?" 

"Absolutely," Klaus deadpanned, fighting off a smile.

"Nice." 

* * *

Dave wasn't the worst person to sit next to in an emergency room on Christmas Eve with. It was a relatively small hospital, with only a few other people in the waiting room. Klaus was trying to fill out the check in forms, because Dave was nowhere near sober enough to fill them out neatly and, well, Klaus wasn't a stranger to hospital forms. 

"Hey," Klaus called, gaining Dave's attention from watching the older lady a few seats away knitting what looked to be a pair of gloves. "What's your type?" 

Dave thought for a moment. "Kind, obviously. Uh, witty? Tall, dark hair, looks good in green, fun hand tattoos," he winks at Klaus. 

If Klaus were a lesser man he'd blush at the obvious attempt. Dave had been flirting with him since the two had gotten here. Fortunately, Klaus was not a lesser man. "I meant your blood type, pal." 

"Oh," Dave frowned. "Should I know that off the top of my head?" 

Klaus isn't sure if blood type is something that regular and healthy people know, or if he has just spent too much time in the hospital in his life, so he says nothing and writes down the universal O-neg for the blood type. 

Dave poked his arm. "Hey." 

"Yeah?" 

"So, like, you know mistletoe, right?"

Klaus nodded slowly, keeping his questions to himself. 

"What if instead of kissing the person under it, the two of them fought?" Dave was still poking him, Sissy had told him before the two had left that he sort of acted like a six year old when he was drunk. Klaus definitely saw it. 

He was once again fighting off a smile when he said, "Only acceptable if we can call it Mistle-Foe."

"Klaus, you're a fucking genius." 

"People call me that all the time," he said, losing the battle of not smiling. 

"A genius?" asked Dave. 

"Hm? Oh no, Klaus." The two of them locked eyes for a second, both silent, until Dave lost it and started laughing. Dave's laugh was beyond infectious, and the next thing Klaus knew he was laughing along with him. 

"Katz?" A nurse called. Dave stood up and sort of, waddled over to him before Klaus could even offer to help him. He really shouldn't be walking after drinking that much. 

Dave half-shouted, "We'll discuss our business idea when I return!" while jokingly saluting in Klaus' vague direction. 

The knitting lady gave him a smile after Dave had finally been convinced to leave by the nurse. "If I may say, the two of you are a mighty adorable couple." 

Klaus smiled back and ignored the couple part of the comment. Dave _was_ pretty adorable, and this could have gone much worse. 

* * *

"This was such a shitty first date," Dave said when they made their way back to the car. "Wanna get something to eat?" 

Klaus wondered if they forgot the check Dave over for a concussion. "This was never a date?" 

Dave looked at him in bewilderment. "What are you talking about? This was totally a date. A shitty one, which is why we should get food." 

"I punched you in the face at my sister's wedding reception and drove you to the hospital because you're too drunk to even walk in a straight line? How the hell is that a date?" 

"I never do anything straight," Dave muttered, mostly to himself. Louder, he said, "This is totally a date." 

"Dave," Klaus said. "My new pal, what the absolutely hell kind of dates have you been going on?" 

**Author's Note:**

> written for @writing-processing on tumblr! hope you enjoy!


End file.
